What a Situation

At the begining of junior year, I hadn't quite looked into the future as I should have. I din't know this was going to happen. As the new term began, I had a boyfriend(No names at all) For at least a year. At the time we were fighting frequently and trying to work things out. I was getting so frustrated that my body and welfare couldn't handle it anymore. I tried to end the relationship as calmly and as civilized as I could. I was very wrong. He took it terribly and would constantly call, text and torment me. Well, no quite torment, but just adding salt to the wound as I should say.

As the weeks pressed on, I was once again becoming self sufficient and able to take care of myself, at the time I was becoming extreamly close to my best friends ex. we clicked immediatly and began to talk at all hours of the day. I soon found out that he liked me and I liked him too. But, there was a problem. A close friend of mine overheard him speaking horrible things about me. Slandering me to no end. When I was informed, I couldn't handle it, I isolated myself and thought everything over. I went to see him the next day to tell him of this news. When I tild him he apologized. Not just apologize, really feel about this. I could see it in his eyes that the way he said it was creul and unkind. He knew. He promised me on our future relationship that he would never do that. the problem was that he didnt know me as person. He had only seen me as a cute girl at the time. but now he knows who I really am. I gave him a second chance. I believe in giving people chances.

When my ex found about my forgivness, he called and completely lost it. he screamed in my ear horrible things tha will never leave my head. these words are burned into my memory, they will never leave me. scarring me for eternity.
My best friend who doesnt live in the city whom I have known for many years had not met this boy. She had only heard things from what others haave said. She called me and said "If you continue to be with him, I will never speak to you again" Those words pained my heart and ripped it out then and there. I couldn't believe she said that. my closest friend, my sister. She said those words to me. I couldnt handle it. My head shoved the words away and forgot them. I decided to give her space and let things play themselves out for a while.

As weeks pass again, I was still becoming increasingly closer to this boy. He was so kind to me and helping me and supporting me. he would call just to make sure I was ok and that I was doing fine. My best friend who goes to school with me at one point did not agree with our friendship because she still had feelings for him. after many tears and talking, she finally accepted that they were over and that she can move on with her life. I was so happy to hear this. I was happy for her that she could move on te bigger and better things, she now is almost falling for my ex, but he does not see her, he sees someone else. It breaks my heart that he can be so blind as to not see what an amazing young woman in front of him and instead turns her away.

And now as we approach the present, I am now with this boy, we are indeed dating and he has lifted me up beyond anything. I feel it in my heart that he is in true caring. He sees me for ME. Not for what I look like, for who I am as a person, as a reader, writer, athlete and movie buff :) He likes me for my head, not for my body. He listens to me and supports me in this situation. He is constantly pushing me to reconcile with my friend. And he truly is kind. He may not show it on the outside, but inside, I see it. The sensibility he has is remarkable. He has been hurt in the past, the reasons for some of his actions, but now, I feel like Im changing that. As if I, was opening his heart again to what the world can truly offer and that it's not all cold and creul as he had thought. Wow, I am rambling, I need to get back on the focused topic.

Now that we are indeed together, I am ready to throw the towel in on the fact of my friends, they will not accept that I cannot leave him now, he needs me and I need him. As much as I miss her and want to speak to her again, I know she won't. Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Crying myself to sleep all the time is not helping me. I need to move on, to start anew. My heart is being torn up if i stay in this one attitude, I need to break away and spread my wings and fly up to new things.

What the future holds, I will never know, but I do know He will be graduating and it terrifies me that he will be leaving so soon, so right now, Im going to live it up. Live my life to the fullest. No day but today. We will be together, we'll be happy, I know that much for sure, and I know I do have a few people to back me up and catch me. She will be here for me. We have two more years together, and we'll always have each other. :)
That is the end of my first blog! Im happy now, it's all out there, I feel better, if you know that your in this, congrats for figuring it out, and if you have a problem, go shove it up your ass, I'm done with bullshit and drama. Im just going to keep smiling and living my life.