How long is forever?

its been forever. Since ive seen your face, heard your voice. And tomorrow, I will see you again. Feel you hold me tight. butterflies are invading me. twisting me every which way I can possibly imagine.

I got a journal for Christmas, I really needed it. Ive been writing in it nonestop, poems, thoughts and the raw emotions I feel at that moment. Its my new therepy returning to life again. How I missed it.

I know now that Im taking serious changes in my life, upon re-reading my journal from sophmore year, I realized it was a hard, raw year. It was difficult, and Im actually surprised I got through it. As I read it, I see now that those events and words and thoughts have turned me to a new direction, I feel as though Im in rehab, still battling, but healing.
Now Im ready to heal once and for all. I have you, and I have my best friend who will do ANYTHING for me. Its all I really need. Love. Pure love will get me through my past and help me become a stronger girl, a woman. I now admit, Im a smart, beautiful, charming woman, Ive become an adult. And now, Im facing everything head on, I can do it. And with you one either side of me, supporting me, we can do it. We can face everything and anything that comes our way.

Im not a solo act anymore.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break my bones,
But your words shall never hurt me.
Im stronger than you are. You may say youve found better. But you havent. Your still weak. You stay fixated on this, constantly berating me like no tomorrow. Yeah, Ive never been called a cunt before in my entire life, and you, of all people say it. Congrats, youve lowered yourself too. But you know what? Im over you, Im moving on with my life and starting anew, even though you all left, Im moving on. Im not going to fixate on something that will never change. Im going to hold my head high will you grovel in this hole. I have a best friend and the most amazing boyfriend in the fucking world.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

I need a title!

My first song?
XD

I see you walk to me.
A smile spreads across your face.
Your eyes light up,
and my heart leaps.
My hero.
Your arms wrap around me,
warm and safe.
You kiss my forehead as I look into your eyes.
Love.

(Chorus)

Oh baby hold me close
never let me go.
Let me love you.
Let's walk together, hand in hand
for eternity.

We sit in your car,
you let me sing.
Always a smile on your face.
Pure happiness.
You turn to me,
And kiss me hard with your love.
Don't stop the car,
let's keep driving together.

It's Our Time Now

I love you so much.
Words are difficult to explain, but you've shown me your love for me in so many ways they I can't even count them all on my hands. We deserve each other. And No one is allowed to deny that. You've changed the way I used to think about myself. Ive broken out of my shell and now Im flying free.

All I can even say now is that,

I love you.

The Holiday Season. . .

Ugh, Holiday's. Do people really like the entire rush of travelling and seeing everyone again? Or do we just do it because we think it's right? I think it's really, a change of pace. I mean, I like it, to a degree of course. It's just, the holidays show who really cares and who doesn't.

Last year, I used all of my savings, slaved over hours making cards for the people I love. And what did I get? Virtually nothing. My best friend was going to write me a story but completely forgot about it. No one really came through. I'm not trying to rant over material things. Im just trying to get past that it shows who puts that effort for you. I did. And I got nothing? Well, shows who loves you. Shows who is really close to your heart.

Now, I don't look forward to anything. Just everyone else being happy, and me, just kinda sitting there. Im not wasting my time and money again this year. It's not worth it.

Happy Fucking Holiday's

FML

I seriously feel like total shit right now.
I want to die.
I almost did tonight after falling form putting lights up. I wish I had snapped my neck. Maybe then I could stop feeling this way. There is no place for optimism for me right now. I feel no hope.
Ive lost her
I fucked up
Once again.
Good job Ashleigh, you fucked up more shit. Real smooth.

*~If I were to die tomorrow, what would you regret not telling me?~*

Drama. . . hahaha!

Im noticing my blogs are getting ever so much shorter. . .I guess I have less to let out because I feel better? Possibly. I don't know. Oh well, I'm just going to keep going on with my life and move on as every day is a new adventure.
Believe me, today was quite an adventure.
Ugh.

(Im using first names only. Pronouns would prolly kill EVERYONE hahaha)

So, this afternoon, I come home in a spectacular mood, I pour myself a bowl of frosted cheerios (:D) and sit down to enjoy my lunch. But no, I get a message from Amanda, a good friend of mine. The message says "Paige said that Nick's cheating on you" My heart drops. As soon as I read it I knew it couldnt be true. But, my head started to turn "Was that why he was so happy? because he was getting it from someone else?" I pushed the thought out of my head and texted amanda back and asked who she heard this from. This girl named Vicki who doesnt favor me much. I knew it couldnt be true because she didnt like me. I then asked a very very good friend of mine to tell me what was really going on. 5 minutes later Nick calls me and explians he would never cheat on me. And I just actually recieved a text from Vicki saying she didnt mean any of it.

Gotta love Hooksett kids and their drama :) hahahaha