Apologies and Redemption

My first College Comp. paper. Its suppose to be narrative and close to our hearts. :)

I step out of the warm truck and feel the cool wind around me. It whips through my hair and feels real. The smell of pine and dirt fill my nostrils along with the scent of diesel. It’s magnificent. Nick leads me through a gathering of trees to a clearing facing a small pond. The leaves under our feet crunch as we walk closer to the water. He drops the large pile of wood he’s carrying and begins to pile them together into a teepee form. I turn away and stand on a rock to look at the lake and overview my thoughts and what’s going to happen. He’s going to apologize for all the hurt he caused me. The heartbreak I feel and the loneliness that consumes me every day. We say nothing to each other for what feels like an hour. I can’t turn to face him. Just looking at him brings butterflies to my stomach and makes me miss him even more, making me want to run to him and beg him to hold me again. But I need to be strong.

I face the pond and stare at its beauty. The waves moving back and forth with the tide move the reflective image of the sky above it. The sun in nearly setting and the sky is dark orange and blue and will soon become black. I watch the birds fly across and feel a chill run through my spine and shiver. It’s late November and the winter chill is coming. It’s beginning to get dark earlier and colder than before. I hold myself together trying to gain the strength I need to face him. I don’t even know why I agreed to meet him here. Maybe I just need closure. To move on and save myself the pain already caused. But, maybe something better will come out of this than I have been thinking. Still standing, facing the pond, Nick calls me over and I turn to see a fire ablaze in the center of the clearing. The scent of smoke burns my nostrils and sends a wave of heat through me warming me through my long cold body.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to do this?” I ask. He shrugs he shoulders and sits on the ground, signaling me to do the same. I hesitate for a moment not sure what to do. I’m almost scared to do anything. I feel confused at the same time to this. But, I came here because my heart told me to. I feel as if I need to be here. I need to do what my heart says. I sit next to him and he grabs my hands and holds them close to him. He looks deep into my eyes and doesn’t break the contact.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you. It was wrong and you didn’t deserve it. I was being unkind and cruel. There could’ve been a better way to handle all of what happened. I made the mistake and now I need to pay the price.” The look in his eyes was almost indescribable. It looked as though tears were beginning to form. As if, he really does mean it. That he did miss me, and felt as horrible as I had. I couldn’t ignore him, I couldn’t leave. I’m still frozen and deep within my thoughts trying to figure all this out for myself. The burn in my eyes comes as if I were going to cry. I don’t want to make the same mistake again, yet, he meant it. He wanted me. For who I am as a person. I can’t ignore that. He’s still looking at me waiting for an answer. I need to do what my heart says. I take my hand and brush it across his face. It’s still rough, as if he hasn’t shaved in a long while. I look deep into his eyes to feel the sorrow, the anguish and the regret. I squeeze his hands to show that I comprehend. Words still don’t come out. I don’t know what to say. What can I say?


I break the contact and look to the lake. I need to stare away at something to help me. I look to the pond and remember that it didn’t always look that beautiful. Everything takes work and effort. At that moment I knew what I needed to do and say.“I forgive you. If we get back together, we both need to work together as a team to be happy. We need to be honest with each other and tell each other everything. No secrets. This time around, let’s give it our all.” He looks at me and smiles the most beautiful and truthful smile I have ever seen from him. He wraps his arms around me and holds me there. I press my face into his chest and smell a mix of his cologne and wood. How I missed the sweet smell of comfort and safety. His hand reaches across my face and holds me for a moment in his hands. His kisses me and I fall into a state of dizziness and happiness. The warmth returns to my body and I no longer feel cold. I feel my face turn red I can’t help but smile. The warmth has never left my body. Even now, it still remains.