Memories call upon tears

I cant get this out of my mind.
It replays in my head all the time.
what can I do?
I don't want to sit here alone
but I cant do anything
I dont want to anger more people
I have to stay
and accept all my faults

A few days ago, I was struck by a memory. And I couldnt get it out of my head so I decided to dig further, knowing it would hurt. I took out an old video from my middle school, and watched it. I could not stop crying. I sat there for an hour watching the fallen faces of my friends. Seeing them all happy, with me, makes me so sad.
Then, I saw her. My heart felt like a lump and another flood of tears escaped my eyes. I couldnt control it. I miss her and I want to do something about it. But I know if I do, I will get backlash, severely. I did try though.

"We can never be friends again."

And It's all my fault.

This always happens, I come back from one of the most amazing weekends of my life, and everything crumbles when I get back. I've been hit full fledge on the reality.
In three months, he's gone.
An hour away. And I'm stuck here, trying to finish high school.

I don't have any idea what's going to happen come fall, and it terrifies me beyond belief.

I'm so scared.