It's been a while. .

I apologize for not writing for so long, a family member found my writings and my mother forced me to stop blogging. Well, I've decided to come back and write again hopefully my old readers will come back.

Since I've been gone, a lot has happened. I got a job bussing at the Puritan Backroom. It's not a bad job either. I mean, it's money and that's really all that matters. I go in, do my job and leave. The people are nice and I don't let anyone get to me anymore.

To those who may not want to know, yes I am still with Nick. And you know what? I'm really happy with him and he's not a jerk or a bastard who tries to get sex from me. We're happy together and it's real.

School is still going really well for me too. Creative writing is still such a joke, and it's an easy A for me.

Christmas was amazing. I got an iTouch from Nick which made my life. :) My godmother gave me the new nikkon touch screen camera which I love using too. Surprisingly, my mother gave me a Kindle. For those who don't know, a kindle is an electric reading pad in which you can download books and read them with ease. I enjoy it very much and love it :)

I hope everyone else's Christmases went well too :)
That's all for now, I need to go study for my midterms.

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Hermit

I'm so sick of people judging me because of who I hang out with. It's just like last year, and you know what? Im fucking DONE.

I hate the fact that I can only be friends by others standards. I'm not doing that anymore. Just because they treated you like shit because your a bitch, doesnt mean I cant be friends with them. It's called people change and dont always stay the same.

So, whatever, I'm not leaving, you are, so screw you.

Make the pain go away

My migranes are getting progressivly worse, I had one for 3 days and it just went away.

I need to see a doctor, but my parents don't believe me.

Help?

I love my life, and my summer

Best summer EVER.

I spent everyday with people I love, looked at amazing colleges, and went to a close friends wedding and watched the two of them express their love for one another.

And I love being with someone right now :) We're in love, and happy. We're working everything out and it makes me so happy.

I want to make school amazing too, I'm going to try my hardest and ignore those who want to bring me down.

For the first time, I look forward to tomorrow, the next step in my life. I want to keep going, and I'm going to make everything work to the way we deserve it.

Make it stop. make me dissapear. I don't want to be here. I'm dying.
I can't be here anymore. This house, I feel lost. Trapped.
I can't feel anything but anger. It's suffocating me slowly. Why do they do this to me? Why can't we just be happy? Why do we have to yell, fight, scream, hit?
I'm scared. Please make it stop.
I don't want to be here. It hurts too much to see this.
Someone save me please.

Memories call upon tears

I cant get this out of my mind.
It replays in my head all the time.
what can I do?
I don't want to sit here alone
but I cant do anything
I dont want to anger more people
I have to stay
and accept all my faults

A few days ago, I was struck by a memory. And I couldnt get it out of my head so I decided to dig further, knowing it would hurt. I took out an old video from my middle school, and watched it. I could not stop crying. I sat there for an hour watching the fallen faces of my friends. Seeing them all happy, with me, makes me so sad.
Then, I saw her. My heart felt like a lump and another flood of tears escaped my eyes. I couldnt control it. I miss her and I want to do something about it. But I know if I do, I will get backlash, severely. I did try though.

"We can never be friends again."

And It's all my fault.